Nate and I celebrated our five year wedding anniversary this past Saturday. We stayed the night at the Brookside Inn where we had our wedding. My eyes filled with tears as we made our way into the familiar but long visited premises. We had a glorious weekend celebrating our love story. A glorious weekend, just the two of us. No babies.
We returned home and I’m already preparing for our next adventure. I feel like our lives have kicked into turbo gear. Our calendar has filled up with events including and not including our not so little babies.
Life, it seems, has turned a slight corner. We are finally getting out again. We can drop the kids off at our parents’ for a couple nights and actually enjoy ourselves not worrying about whether they’re going to be inconsolable or up all night.
I can be gone from the house with Karson and Lucy for more than three or four hours without having to worry about being home for a nap or finding a place to breastfeed.
I can fit in a quick workout while they run around and play. I might have to stop a few times to break up fights but we usually can make it all the way through.
I can feed my children at a table, making do without high chairs. Depending on the food, they might come out without the need of a hose down.
They even use utensils!
For the most part they’re sleeping through the night and as long as I can get myself to bed at a reasonable time, I can get a decent night sleep too.
Being out of the house with Karson and Lucy is so much easier than it used to be, I’m gaining the confidence to go do more.
Sure, I miss holding my tiny, downy headed cherubs but in my eyes they just get cuter and more fun everyday. I love the excitement they show. Karson loves machines and trucks. Lucy loves to dance and prance around and smell all the flowers.
Yes it’s hard and exhausting but it now feels manageable, especially with help of our support system. Life seems pretty sweet right now.
Maybe I’m just saying all this because we just spent the weekend to ourselves and I feel recharged. Maybe this is just a breather before the terrible twos and threes maybe also fours start. But maybe I really can do this.
I don’t mean to sound like my children have been a burden but the last two and a half plus years were spent under the weight of pregnancy and then the constant need of babies. I’ve been so consumed with the needs of my two little ones. They have been so dependent on me, mothering is pretty much all I’ve done. I’m thankful for every minute of it and I have no regrets. We’re not at the end yet, but I can say the tunnel has gotten a little more comfortable. This will allow me a little more balance in life and we all know life is about balance.
I know my most important job will be as a mother but as I was reminded this past weekend, I’m also a wife. I’m an artist and a creator. I grow things and dream things. The last couple years have laid a foundation for my babies and I will continue to build upon that with the majority of my focus. The hard work is far from done but I can feel a shift starting to happen for all of us. The fog of sleeplessness has lifted. We’re finding our rhythm and catching our stride. Yes folks, I think it’s safe to say we’ve returned to the land of the living!